April 8, 2008
I Don’t Remember
In Natalie Goldberg’s new book Old Friend from Far Away, she gives a writing prompt – Write for ten minutes about what you don’t remember.
It’s an interesting idea – to figure out what gaps you have in your memory. When I started answering the prompt I came up with lots of weird stuff:
1. I don’t remember most of 7th and 8th grade when I went to a tiny Christian school. I don’t remember why I don’t remember, but my mom tells me I was beaten up by two girls there almost every day -so maybe that’s the problem.
2. I don’t remember my first high school football game, even though I went to many of them.
3. I don’t remember the first time I ate ice cream, or cheese, or a carrot.
4. I don’t remember my first trip to a museum or the first time I stared at a painting.
5. I don’t remember the first thing I put away in my new house.
This exercise opens me up to see where I have gaps and to wonder why I don’t remember these things. Sometimes, of course, I don’t remember because I was too young; sometimes I don’t remember because I didn’t know it was going to be important; sometimes I don’t remember because it hurts. Exploring those spaces of absences can be lovely.
Yesterday in my creative writing class, one of my students said he couldn’t remember the phone call that told him a good friend had died. That’s something to push into, to explore, to write about.
All you writers, all you bloggers, write down what you don’t remember. I’d love to see where that takes you. It’s a challenge for you.
Natalie Goldberg has been one of my favorite writers on writing. I read her book Writing Down the Bones when I first started writing, and it got me to slow down, just enough, to get some words on the page. And I find her writing ideas, coupled with those of Anne Lamott, to be the driving forces of my own writing life.
At Powell’s right now they have a beautiful video about Goldberg. In it she says, “loneliness has been sort of my black dog through all my life, and I think it’s one of the things that urged me to write because when I’m writing I feel like I’m talking to someone, that I’m communicating.” As simple as that idea is, this morning hearing that really struck me because she gives exactly the reason that I write – to find other people. Isn’t that why we blog?
Her comment makes me want to get a bouvier, one of those huge black dogs with all the fur. But I live in a townhouse and already had to send one large dog to live with my parents, so I guess the kitties and I are on our own for a while.
So I have two cats, myself, an imaginary Bouvier that is my writing, and all of you to stave off the loneliness that is this life. Thank you.
Andi
P.S. For some tips on writing, check out Seth Godin’s blog.
P.P.S. More Amazon insanity at BookNinja. By the way, if you don’t read Book Ninja, it’s worth it just for the wittiness of the commentary.
Filed by Andi at 5:48 am under Book Recommendations, Teaching Triumphs and Travails, Written and Wrought
7 Comments
That’s interesting….I don’t remember talking with a British accent (which I did when we moved from England to Texas). Or the first time I had Thai food. Or when I first watched Gone With the Wind. Or even the first time I met one of my best friends from college (he insists we met at an ice cream social the first night of orientation…I don’t remember that at all!).
And I’m so excited to see someone else talk about Bouviers. I’ve been coveting one since high school; if I ever have space/time/money enough, that’s the big dog I’d get!
What a wonderful idea! I’ve never thought about what I don’t remember, but I’m sure there are any number of titilating gaps. I’ll give it a try.
And thanks for the Goldberg recommendation. I’ll check her out.
What an interesting writing prompt. I’m going to sleep on that thought tonight and give it a try tomorrow. Thanks for the GOldberg link and the cute pic of the big black dog. Hey! I don’t remember my first pet, which was a small dog named Blacky.. I’ve only seen pictures (she was gone before my 2nd birthday).
That’s an interesting writing exercise. I don’t remember much about 7th or 8th grade either and I didn’t even get bullied. I think it was just a hard time in my life, new, bigger school and all the people I new well and had gone to elementary school with were suddenly making new friends and leaving me out and shy me wasn’t good at making new friends. It was a hard, lonely couple of years. No wonder I don’t remember much about it!
I really enjoyed this and posted about it here.
http://lisamm.wordpress.com/2008/04/09/what-i-dont-remember/
what a powerful idea from Nathalie, who is one of my favourite writers on writing too! I have almost everything she’s done….And now I know she has a new book out on writing, hurray! And yes, loneliness for other people who read, that is why I blog.
In doing the writing prompt, here is what I came up with:
1 I don’t remember learning to read.
2. I don’t remember learning how to write(print words, I mean) or the alphabet, either.
3.I don’t remember the week I spent in the hospital with pneumonia as a child – I was 8, I should remember something, but I don’t.
4. I don’t remember the day my mother left, when she and my father separated. It was right after I was sick with pneumonia, and she and my father agreed that his new girlfriend would move right in (we had already met her), and knew they were getting a divorce. I just don’t remember my mother going, anything about that day. And I didn’t know I didn’t know this, until I did this writing prompt!
so thank you for it, Andi.
Interesting post. I’m Susan’s sister by the way, from the comment above mine. Let’s see:
1. I don’t remember my sister being in the hospital with pneumonia either. (I would have been 7)
2. I don’t remember my mother leaving, either
3. I don’t remember what happened after the ambulance took my father and step-mother away on that Christmas morning they tried to kill themselves when I was 5 or so. I didn’t even remember it was xmas day until I talked about it with my mother a few months ago. I remembered a xmas tree and asked her if it was around xmas because I remembered the tree. I remember nothing more about that day.
4. I don’t remember leaving my mother, stepfather and that bloody boat when I flew to Canada, with my sister, to visit my dad and his family. I don’t remember leaving the boat, driving to the airport, or waving goodbye to my mother.
5. I don’t remember when my brother went missing. I remember nothing until the next morning when he showed up and I cooked him extra eggs for his breakfast because he was hungry. Interestingly enough, he didn’t remember it was me who cooked that big breakfast ~ he wondered recently, if it was my mother who had. I don’t remember how old I was when this happened or the exact year.
7. I don’t remember when I learned that my brother had been the one setting all the fires in our area. I don’t remember when he was kicked out of school or if he was 9 or 10 when it happened.
8. I don’t remember which came first: my brother being removed from our home by my parents, or them buying the sailboat and starting to build it in our driveway.
9. I don’t remember the day my brother was suddenly removed from our home or how it was explained to my sister and I.
10. I don’t remember my mother and stepfather telling us we were going to leave our home in British Columbia and move onto a freakin’ sailboat and go on some stupid adventure.
11. I do not remember my stepfather beating the crap our of my brother. I was shocked when my brother told me this just before xmas this year. Brother had collapsed and had emergency surgery to remove some tumours in his intestines and we spoke often on the phone and reminisced about the bad ol’ days. Maybe we shouldn’t have.
I do remember suddenly wondering, a few year ago… if my mother would have given my brother up if he had been flesh and blood and not adopted?
I do remember a year ago, wondering why my mother and stepfather chose to move onto the boat instead of staying in BC and trying to make things work with my brother.
There are some things I’m not sure I ever want to remember. Life is complicated enough!!